hello. i'm greg gutfeld and welcome to up your alley. the only show about thethe amateur bowling circuit. now we will discuss the bestbowl way to nail the bed post and how to nail a bar made. and can you get chlamidia from the report? was she so cute that kittens spend hours looking at her videos on youtube while atn work. reportertonight with fox joleen kent, jlk for short. and andy levy. he is made of twine and discarded gum wrappers. and he has been in a coma for 7 years and we are figments of his imagination. bill schulz. and i would do him at the
company picnic, god these are getting old. next to me, gavin mcguinness writer for street carthage.com.com. his book is now available in that's the stories -- that's the first story. do you think they are treat like us, greg? i think so too. >> i think that's the last day we will do intros. >> done. >> maybe outros? >> the end of the show? >> that's a great idea. >> coming up -- >> they chose the bros. a new obamacare ad campaign is casting a line to the american broheim. day whatever of -- >> obama apocolytpo gate. >> the group thanks obamacare has released seferlt ads -- several ads to tell them to sign up for bro-surance.
not having health insurance is craze yes, sir -- cazier. my girlfriend broke my heart so me and the bros went golfing and the buddy broke my head. good thing my mom made sure i got insurance. young men are key as they pay are to the higher cost of older, sick you are people. ask the bros what they thought about obamacare. >> they don't need obamacare. they are in great health. i have investigated quite intimately. gavin, are you in advertising and you are a dude. a double threat, if you will. what do you make of these ads? >> i thought you were going to say douche so i appreciate you
saying dude. you would have to be a more ron to be a young 20 something man and think you need obamacare. they just break their nose or wrap their cars around a telephone pole. you don't need insurance to die. and the broken nose, your buddy can fix that. >> i have scenery set noses many times. have you done it. >> this looks like the letter c for a reason. >> stunts are your fault. risky lifestyles are your fault. >> and it is not that expensive. if you don't have health care and you get stitches in your forehead from falling off a table because are you wasted it is like $2800. >> that's nothing. >> it is better than spending $800 a month for years. believe me, guys, don't fall for this scam. you are paying for old people's pensions. it is a gyp. >> it is true. jlk, should they make ads showing young women vacuuming and getting into vacuuming accidents? >> yes, that's exactly what we all do. it is totally crazy because
you can be on your parents' health insurance until 26. most sinces you could do it anyway. most insurances you could do it anyway. you are targeting a demographic which is a concerning demographic. so it is almost like they will put an age on it. they label cigarettes saying you have to be 18 or older. >> interesting point. young men are generally healthy as gavin has noted, but they do take higher risks. so should there be a separate insurance for risk takers? >> no. there is nothing extreme about having health insurance. you won't get the same rush from doing a keg stand and you know it is okay if you hurt yourself because you have health insurance. you have to get the rush. you have to know you could be in serious trouble because you don't have health insurance. >> that's what this is about. >> absolutely! i mistakenly joined the thanks obamacare group because i thought it was thanks, obamacare. >> i hate it when you join something sarcastically.
have you ever joined something you thought was sincere and it was sarcastic? >> no. >> bill, does this campaign accurately capture dudes being dudes or are they fake dudes being fake dudes ? >> either way. there is more than hurting your nose and then oops if you get hit by a car you are dead. trust me. i have been hit a lot. sometimes i have had insurance and it is expensive. >> whose fault is that? >> that's three times. >> it is the same car three different times. >> trying to kill me. >> we have to rent a different car next time. >> the other thing i will say about the ad campaign is at least i will know what we are talking about. play that against the koch brothers campaign where a woman goes to a guy gnaw koll gist and spreads her legs and out pops uncle sam.
>> that's the message. >> do you give birth to a masked man? no it is how the government is interfering in a personal part of your life where it shouldn't be. what is this saying is we are going to help you even though we will take all of your money. >> obamacare is 12 grand a year for these guys. you would have to screw up your body a lot to get the bill. and if you do, then you don't deserve to live. >> the other part of that is right now you are absolutely right and -- but you would have to pay the penalty if you don't sign up. the penalty is cheaper than signing up. if they don't get enough young people to sign up, young people have to sign up or this whole thing does president work. do you think they will look at raising the penalty? >> i know a guy who destroyed this hand and broke these bones and it cost him $3800. that's like three and a half months of paying the obamacare. >> the whole thing is about choice. a lot of people don't
think it is. you can log-in and shop around and then decide not to do it. i think it is good for young people to know their choices going forward. insurance is a scary thing coming out of college. >> but it is actually more scary now. you never had the prospect of a penalty when you look for insurance. i have done in my own private insurance and i have done company insurance. to me it was pretty straight forward. you shopped around. now it is incredibly hard to shop around. there is no competition. is there competition across state lines? >> they have several market places for all sorts of types of -- >> but they don't -- it is not cross state which means real competition where you can drive the prices lower instead of going up. we know it is going up. the cost is going up. this is boring. he can't gloss over the law. i realized maybe it is time to
stop talking about obamacare. the parent of a texas high school football player accused an opposing team's coach of bullying after a 91-0 win. it prompted an unidentified parent to file a complaint with the school district. it reads in part, quote, on friday night we all witnessed bullying first hand. i did not know what to say on the ride home for not easing up when the game was in hand. coach buchanan said he tried to keep the score down by using back up players in the first quarter and dismissed the idea that he should have told his team to stop trying. >> i would never ask our kids to not play hard and tell them to let them score. that's not what you want to teachers and kids. >> you sir, are a monster. let's look at the game tape.
>> that's it. wear her out, please. >> it is disgusting. people are just cheering this kind of horrifying behavior on. no wonder we are going to hell in a hey basket. >> that doesn't sound so bad. i like hay baskets. >> the parent who complained says they didn't know what to say to their kid after the game. isn't that the parent's fault and not the coach's? >> i completely agree. it is the paisht's response -- the parent's responsibility to explain. the other team was better than the losing team. in an age where everyone gets trophies now and the score isn't kept, i applaud the team foregoing forward. they tried not to score 100 points. that was the best part. >> you know who is a real winner here because everybody is getting trophies? >> big trophy. big trophy.
>> they are controlling everything as dash. as a parent and your kid was on the losing team would you make him sleep outside? >> i would tell him the reason you lost is you suck at football. what is the matter with that? that used to be cool in and of itself. the bad news bears and we are the underdogs and we need to get it together and we need the cool kid who smokes and shows up late on the motor bike. who was the actor? >> shrimpy mcgee. >> they are always irish. >> scottish. >> you know what it is, there are beliefs here and it is the nice people. we are living in an era of nice facism where equality is forced down our throats at all costs and these people screaming of bullying are the bullies. they are making us follow their rules. the jehovah's witness idea of heaven is we are all 22 and we are all in heaven and there is a lion there and we are all friends. i said what about boxing? is there any boxing?
if there is animosity in the fight it doesn't exist. >> -- i said then i don't want that. they are forcing their jehovah's witness on it and we don't want it. >> i knew this was going to the jehovah's witness. >> i feel like this might be an example of something, but i can't figure out what that something might be. >> greg, greg, greg. this is an example of the obama pho location of the american woosie. >> is it true on our website that we buy a version of the rolled up denim shirt you are wearing. >> there is an american flag right here and i think mark levine will write that one. >> the lapel weeps. >> this whole story though reminds me of an expression my
grandfather used to use. clear eyes, full hearts and can't lose. i think you all know what that means. >> where am i? >> i would agree -- i might agree with the parent if the coach left the starters in and was just running up the score for no reason in a high school game, but he didn't. he started putting in the back up players in the first quarter and the coach is right. what is he supposed to do, tell his players to stop try ?g even back up players who don't play much? they want to show what they can do. and if i am on the losing team, i think it is more demeaning if you look across and the other guys have stopped trying. >> you know what is demeaning is when your parents actually write a letter. that's demeaning. that's more demeaning. >> by the way. i was one of the bad players in basketball. the only time i got a chance to play is if they ran up the score. so i had to have the starting five score 50 points. >> i'm sorry what sport? >> basketball. >> you did not play basketball. >> the only way you played basketball is you were the
ball. when they lost the ball they are like, roll greg in and they dunked you. >> i heard of pee wee football, but never pee wee basketball. >> i played from fourth to seventh grade and then stopped because i stopped growing and then switched to soccer. this is an interesting sideview of my head. what is going? >> they are looking at the marks on your head when you played soccer. you were the ball then too. >> is the guy stoned? >> anyway, the point is you have to drive up the score because half of the guys on that team report going to be able to play. i agree. bill, the parent also said we should ship the bullying on the field specifically to bullying toward you. >> why would they do that? >> i don't know. they don't even know you. i like the fact they want you to be beaten to a pulp. >> my glass half full is it turns out i am very well known. everyone around the world knows who i am. from obama down. there is something else going on here. there is a bigger story we are
missing. overall this team has out scored the rest of the league 485 to 47 this year. i want to see all of these players' birth certificates. they came here from cuba and the meeting age is 35. >> what sport is this again? >> football. >> because cubans come to baseball and they don't have birth certificates so they say they are one age, but they are 10 years. >> but this is football. >> it is the same analogy. >> they are old. >> cubans are not footballs, boy. >> no football player is old. >> there is none. >> they have their banana boats on the sidelines. trust me. >> i think this dilutes the actual meaning of bullying. there is real bullying and this isn't bullying. from losers to letters they want to bide the other
side. the l.a. times is turning its back on readers who don't believe in man made global warming. the editor says he won't publish mail about climate change because they are wrong. paul thorton says there is no sign humans caused climate change. it is inserting a factule inaccuracy. some disagree including several who have written a letter to the "wall street journal". it is called no need to panic about global warming. one says they should be ashamed of themselves. there was an effective embargo and so making it official does not change things. speaking of getting all wowbd -- all wound up. >> it is kind of cruel. we will pretend the animal is
like that. i would like to say it is unbelievable, but i guess it isn't an obama's america. >> that's the thing about l.a. every time i go there i will say things and i go, wait, you are still on that? like they will say, yeah, bill maher nailed it last night he is super smart. then he says you guys like that guy? and he goes obama is kicking ass. you think he is doing a good job? they are a wake up call for the radical liberal nut bars. the fact -- thought we were on the same page with global warming. they were humiliated and i didn't even tease them. >> the flat line in the last 15 years and the future flat line of 15 years says, you know what -- maybe we need maury search. i won't even pound them on it. >> once it all came out and realized they were wrong i never said hahaha. then you go to l.a. and they say it is still going strong. in fact, we are winning so much we are sick of you
naysayers. okay, we are naysayers now. i feel sorry for them. >> is this fair? imagine he used the same policy about religion. the newspaper would go nuts and people would go crazy. >> i think this move on climate change is unnecessary. it is like taking something you definitely know and like you said just beating it to death. religion is a whole different thing. there saw lot of stuff that is completely not proven. i thought the bit was done. i was surprised to see this was still being discussed by people at the l.a. times which is owned by a larger company and which is supposed to be a top newspaper. >> is it not done? >> there are no facts on the table. >> excuse me. the latest ipc report, the world temperature has been flat. and it is going to be flat until 2035 or 2040. >> that wasn't the argument. the argument is whether or not
man has caused climate change which everyone agrees they have. >> man might contribute in a small measure. >> infan tess mallly small. >> when they said they flat lined they said that. >> do you believe in global warming? >> i believe what i read when it comes to the scientists. >> they agreed that men caused global warming and that is the issue here. >> and women. sorry. >> this is what happens. you guys have not read the latest science. >> what? >> it is true. >> the report said it was 95% certain that fossil fuel burning humans are -- >> i don't want to hear that part. >> i don't care about that for purposes of the story except to say they didn't say they were 100% certain. for him to say you can't
publish letters because they are not true because then the letters are showing a falsehood is wrong. he says it is 100% proven. the panel says it is 95% proven so he is wrong. does that make any sense? >> i gotta go. >> there is so much stuff going on in the world. >> no, i disagree. >> coming up, is robin williams coming back for "night of the museum 3"? according to reports, no. >> how often does your excheckup on you on facebook? hopefully a lot. i want menudo to find out what they are missing. michael, tell us why you used priceline express deals to book this fabulous hotel. well you can see if a hotel is pet-friendly before you book it and i got a great deal without bidding. and where's your furry friend? i don't have a cat.
female narrator: the mattress price wars are on the mattress price wars are on at sleep train. we challenged the manufacturers to offer even lower prices. now it's posturepedic versus beautyrest with big savings of up to $400 off. serta icomfort and tempur-pedic go head-to-head with three years' interest-free financing. plus, free same-day delivery, set-up, and removal of your old set. when brands compete, you save. mattress price wars are on now at sleep train. ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪
people you dated 1234* half of 18 to 29-year-olds on social net net -- networks admit to checking up on their exes with 7% of the 65 and up crowd engaging in on-line stalking. probably because their former flames are dead or soon will be. i joke. meanwhile, more and more have turned to machines to meeting their dating needs. >> not hurting anybody. nobody is getting hurt so i am all for that. do you google search your ex's as much as the rest of your generation does? >> you guys are the worst. >> i do not search ex's ever,
never, never, never. it is good though. it is leading to more flirting and searching for more people via machine, so it gets the juices flowing. who will i date next? >> i am confused by that answer. you say by seeking out your exes it forces you to flirt with new people. >> the survey says in some of the research we were looking at earlier today that equal number of people actually go on-line and are more likely to flirt in on-line ditting forums. so that's a good thing. >> is it really? >> have i to say i have checked checked -- have i to say i have checked up on ex's on lucky bastard.com. joy if you thought the -- >> if you thought the bow tie was not charming enough. >> does it show people tend to live in the past more than the present? >> it is harmful.
i have done it. you look at the exes and say what if i married her instead? as you do that your kids die. they start to fade like in "back to the future" in the photograph. what if my wife was to die in a plane crash? maybe we would console each other and get back together. and then you say wait a minute that is traumatizing for the children. and then what about the other people in the plane i just killed. >> the old lady going to visit her grandchildren. >> so i can masterbate? >> you have to expand your imagination. skydiving. >> at the least a private jet. >> run over by a semi. run over by a semi. >> too gory. >> you have to work out the fantasy that not only has your spouse parish, but the prettier ex's spouse die as well. >> maybe she froze?
>> that is still cheating. >> but you are changing your mind and looking up her on facebook? >> can you get on a plane right now? i regret freezing my wife. >> the other thing is the nostalgic thing exists in that period. say if you end up like -- you know people and i know people who have fallen into this hole chasing ex's. they changed too. they have added the five years of poundage and cell you light. they are not the same. >> you can't compare your insides to somebody else's out sides. you can't. >> shallow, that's what we do. >> this is not "the five" my lady. >> andy, do you go on-line and check out your excats? >> i don't do a lot of exchecks as i like to call them. even though i have a name for it, i swear i don't do it.
>> your divorce payments exchecks? >> i thought it was interesting that 35 to 44, 29% did it which is not that much of a drop from 18 to 24 which is 32%. i thought it was weird. i would have thought as you got older -- i know when you get much older it starts to drop a lot. i would have thought it dropped in the 30s. as people get older this are less net savy. the people they dated probably have less of an on-line foot print because we didn't grow up with it. and they are afraid their spouse will catch them. i would have figured they wouldn't be doing it, but it turns out they are, greg. >> i don't care if you don't find my facts interesting. >> if you figured out that i don't care. >> i was literally thinking about the food i am going to be eating. >> have i to disagree. i have to disagree though. >> there is no way in hell my wife knows i look up jasmine.
>> are you a virgin who never so much as had a date except perhaps with a sock. this on-line nonsense is meaning less you stupid, little jerk. >> the last part wasn't needed and you are wrong. apparently you have never seen sock .org. i got a lot of ex's over. there call me tub sigh e. it has been a longtime. and we got this article from the atlantic wire. i enjoy their stuff, but they did the tiled old trope that is 47% of 20-year-olds are checking out people on-line. the other 53 are lying about it. clearly that's not true. there are a lot of people out there that just don't have ex's. and we have a much better time on-line. we can look for freelance opportunities and check out the score on espn.com. go and check out women with wieners .org and have a blast. >> and there are two different types of exchecks.
there is the oh she is doing good, that's great. >> no! >> and then there is an i hope she is in terrible pain kind. >> that's true, but it does president -- doesn't mean the first one exists. >> nostalgia is not helpful. you always think where you grew up was great, but there was more litter back then. when you were a kid there was -- like i go to el camino and san mateo is clean now, but when i grew up there was a lot of litter. what is the latest with british boy band one direction? they are on tour in japan and loving it. first, what is carrot dating? when you date a carrot. i don't know i just show up and read this cr ha
social media is raising questions according to the words that came out of my mouth. a doctor reveals how medical professionals could spy on patients on-line prior to their treatment. art caplin says it can only be accepted if he stops drinking. to check his sobriety claims, the transplant team looked at his twitter page and found a picture he tweeted of himself in a bar holding a beer. he was turned away meaning in all likelihood a death sentence. that beer killed him. i think this goes in this. >> lightning
rooooouuuunnnnnddd. like anything round. >> it makes a choice. he is like a walking death panel. >> he is out there to do research to try to cure the disease. >> do you think what he did was right and he is doing for other people looking for a transplant? >> you assigned him the task of fixing you. >> do they actually look in there. >> should the patient get a warning or would that defeat the purpose? >> they can know or not know, but it is not spying at all. if you are posting photos or if you are in a place where
they are posting them, it is public information. it is just as twitter operates and everything. snap chat even and you can save your photos now. it is really stupid if you don't want your doctor to look at you from all angles. the only doubt is that that picture wasn't posted from a longtime ago. >> that's what i would say. >> i would carry a newspaper from five years ago and go out drinking. i would be like going hey just reading this from 1998. >> but then why would you tweet it? >> collecting old newspapers. >> you think 1998 was five years ago. >> stuck in a nostalgic phase. >> another thing is patients lie all the time. especially severely obese patients. they go, yeah, i have been dieting great. i haven't had any candy bars. the guy is going i have to
operate on this thing. >> this person. >> thing? >> it is a human being. >> on this wonderful human being. please be honest about the diet we worked out together. >> that's true. the biggest problem and challenge for a doctor is the dishonesty and the fear of being honest to your doctor. >> my doctor told me when ever he asked people how much they drank he multiplies it by five. >> that's true. and no matter what you tell your doctor -- >> that sucks because jm honest about that -- i am honest. >> the doctor will tell to you cut down because they know you are lying. i had three glasses of wine a night four nights a week. he will say cut down. i say but that's really low. he knows it is probably six glasses eight nights a week. >> we are missing the main point here. you are so stupid you post a picture of yourself drinking when you need a liver transplant you have lost your life long struggle with darwin itch. darwinism. you shouldn't get a liver. you should go away. >> what if you just -- what if
your doctor went on twitter and he just didn't like your humor? >> that's not possible. >> it would be great. he thinks he is funnier than he really is. >> what if he made a joke about doctors? >> exactly. >> i almost tweeted something about how i am pissed off at doctors and then i decided i shouldn't do that just in case. >> bill, your doctor checked your twitter and it said you would be dead by friday. >> that was dr. jay. not a licensed physician. >> second of all, this guy -- i feel bad for this guy for obvious reasons, but having said that, isn't the liver industry a little corrupt to begin with. this guy's big problem is that he is not rich and famous. two words, mickey mantle.
something is going on there. i am too lazy to figure out what. >> you can't fight big liver. >> that's the problem. the liver was big. >> if this is true. say you get a prescription for back -- back pain. you get it for recreation. should you tweet pictures of yourself in agony? before you go to the doctor oh it is acting up and you are like this. or you tweet the accident that didn't happen. and then you go to the doctor and you say you wouldn't believe what happened. check out my twitter feed. >> here is the one problem with that. anyone on planet earth in pain would never do that. the doctor might take that into account. >> you just gave it away.
>> this is a tv show. >> bye, oxycontin. thanks, greg. >> i liked percocet. >> you can use social networks as alibis for anything to say you were where you weren't. if you told your wife you went to wal-mart to shop for things you could tweet, oh i can't seem to find the rakes. meanwhile you are at the sunny mist hotel with 16 hatian immigrants doing the chandelier chocolate fest. >> illegal. >> with the 1998 newspaper from five years ago. >> why did you even bring that? >> it is from 1998. >> bye honey, going to buy some rakes. love you. i know you are not having an affair. get like seven. >> why do you wreak of cologne? >> this is the eighth straight weekend you have bought a
should a date come with bait? it lets you bribe babes. it is called carrot dating. if only there were a helpful video to explain it all. >> it it was a constant power struggle. beautiful people have all of the power while the rest of us have to struggle with attention only to be lost in the crowd. don't feel powerless. quickly browse through thousands of nearby singles.
when you see someone you like, just choose your carrot. will it be dinner or dessert? flow -- flowers or chocolates? travel or shopping? the choice is yours. >> anyway, the founder seen here was simply saying let's dangle a a carrot. it is like a pick up line. but it is more classy and interesting. no creativity whatsoever, gavin. i don't have the brains to do a pick up line. >> it could beacon strewed as constitution -- be con trued as sciewtion. we go up to beautiful women in a bar. i obviously don't know you so i am shallow. i am going for looks. a woman has a certain currency with her chastity. she can't give it to everyone because it is finite. maybe she goes for money. that's a good criteria. it is better than iq. smart guys are boring. rich people are -- people with money, it just shows they have
ambition. if someone is ambitious they are a great male mate for you. >> what do you think, jlk? >> look, i like ambition, but -- >> well you like money. >> plastic surgery is a currency and it reminds me of a story from last year where a husband married a guy and had a kid and the wife as amaze league beautiful and gave birth and the kid was ugly. he sued for beauty fraud and won more than $100,000. you have to think in the long-term. >> we are not doing that story. we are doing this other one. >> plastic surgery as a currency, would you take it? >> are you kidding me? look at my nose. it has been broken more than his has. >> andy, is this a way to level the playing field so unattractive people like you and anyone at the table except me and jlk? >> why can't you walk up to a beautiful woman and go go, hey.
>> i find you go, hey. >> i am glad we didn't have to see that. >> who cares if it is prostitution? prostitution should be legal. >> should should crack, but i am screwed every time i get searched coming into the building. in a perfect world i would have a whore on one side and a pipe on the other, but that's not the world we live in? >> i have to move on, but he makes a point that ugly people don't have the same opportunities. but that is a philosophical big point. if you see the people that get arrested for prostitution, they are all ugly guys. this is signed for people who have a hard time finding women. >> everyone hates ugly people. it is more than racism and more than sizeism. everyone wants to live next to denzel washington, but if an ugly person is around they don't get raises and they
don't get promoted as much. they do worse in court. it is a tough life being ugly. trust me. >> i might argue with that, said abraham lincoln. >> he looked like daniel day-lewis who was a 9.8. >> check your socks said winston churchill. come on, man. come on. >> that's all you need to do is be funny and the ladies will like you. >> why are all comedians so lonely then? >> look at them. >> first of all, i don't call myself a comedian. >> neither do anybody else. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us, red eye at fox news.com. got a video of your animal doing something? go to fox news.com/red eye. click on the video. we could use some. >> we need new ones. >> definitely. all right, last story up next. this is the quicksilver cash back card from capital one.
it's not the "juggle a bunch of rotating categories" card. it's not the "sign up for rewards each quarter" card. it's the no-games, no-messing-'round, no-earning-limit-having, do-i-look-like-i'm-joking, turbo-boosting, heavyweight-champion- of-the-world cash back card. this is the quicksilver cash back card from capital one. unlimited 1.5% cash back on every purchase, everywhere, every damn day. now, tell me, what's in your wallet?
and look at her. >> e block. last story. that's the last story. >> he is busting to be justin. a 33-year-old l.a.-based song writer, who isn't, has spent a hundred grand on five years of plastic surgery to look just like his idol, justin bieber. here is toby shell done before all of the -- sheldon before the surgery and here he is after. this is the real before and of a. before and after. >> get out of my head. >> to get the look sheldon had botox injections and hair transplants. >> it is funny because he is
do just about anything you want4x3 it is better to aspire and if there is no god as this person believes you might as well be justin bieber. gavin, at what point should a doctor say you are mentally ill and i will not operate on you. if somebody walks in and you are the surgeon and say i want to look like, i don't know, barbara hershey. >> before or after? joy what about these teenager -- >> what about these teenagers who get sex changes and then regret it?
>> tattoo. what about tattoo? you are covered in tattoo. dowry greet them? -- do you regret them? >> it is not great being a coney island freak at the beep? i like it at the biker bar. but i screwed up. >> it is a plastic surgeon's job to say enough is enough when the patient runs out of money. >> andy had a lot of plastic surgery to look like nurse jackie. >> i think it worked. >> it is funny because you waited through the series of the sopranos before doing it. >> everyone was doing it back then. i was going to do it then. >> do we have edie's before picture? i know i am taking a risk here calling for that. >> they already put it away. >> he has a vander beak going on. >> dawson's creek. >> why not stick with the beak?
>> he is worshiping a 16-year-old boy. >> you know why he doesn't want to be the beak? >> i don't know why anybody would want to be the beak. >> i don't even know what we are talking about. >> where am i? >> is billy gene king trying to look like you or vice-versa? >> we have similar mullets, and that's about it. this guy did not achieve what he wanted for a simple reason. if you woke up in the middle of the night and you saw this dude staring over your bed, you would have a heart attack. if you saw justin bieber staring over your bed you would open up the sheet and say come on in. if he got that reaction the surgery would have been a success. >> i noticed there are a lot of look alikes. have you noticed this? >> you look at these football commercials and you look at the t-shirt ads.
all of these guys with the stupid hipster beards. >> i grew this to hide the fact i don't have a chin. but i actually had plastic surgery. i walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said will you make me a babe? i was drinking a beer and slurring and he thought i said will ford brimly with aids. that's how i ended up with this. >> that was a terrible joke. >> that's what i look like. >> if you had a choice to look like anybody else? you are beautiful. that's a dumb question. >> angelina jolie. >> that was andy's choice. >> so unfair. i hate not going first. >> all right. >> are you coming to me next? >> i would go with a slightly younger angelina jolie. >> i think i would ask them to remove this segment from my memory. >> but keep the billy gene
york city and it is "the five." kick back and put your feet up and be ready to be informed, because we have a jam packed hour of power full debate and mother of all web failures kathleen sebelius and you like that? >> the hour of power? >> yes. >> that threw me off. >> okay. listen, y'all, i don't work for you sh you, and russell brand showing off the komi